Why So Many Women Are Only Discovering ADHD in Adulthood

Over the past few years, more and more women have been coming into my counselling room with the same themes:anxiety, not feeling “good enough,” low self-worth, emotional overwhelm, and a brain that never seems to switch off.

Many say things like:

• “It feels like I have a hundred tabs open in my brain.”

• “I’ve struggled with this my whole life.”

• “My friend thinks I might have ADHD… but I’m not sure.”

Often, they’ve already been given medication for anxiety or depression, yet something still doesn’t add up. They feel there’s something deeper going on—and for many of them, there is.

The Hidden Face of ADHD in Women

ADHD in girls and women often looks very different from how it looks in boys. Because of this, it often gets missed.We tend to imagine ADHD as the “hyperactive boy” stereotype—disruptive, impulsive, constantly on the move. But for many girls, ADHD presents in much quieter ways, such as:

• Daydreaming

• Being easily overwhelmed

• Struggling to focus

• Feeling emotionally sensitive

• Working twice as hard to stay organised

• Masking difficulties to “fit in”

Instead of acting out, many girls internalise their struggles. On the outside they appear calm, polite, and capable. Inside, they’re battling a storm of self-doubt, confusion, and pressure.

Because of this, they often don’t get recognised in school. Teachers see a “quiet girl,” not a child who is desperately working overtime to cope.

Why Anxiety and Depression Often Come First

When ADHD goes unidentified, girls grow up thinking their challenges are personal failures:

• “Why can’t I keep up like everyone else?”

• “Why am I always overwhelmed?”

• “What’s wrong with me?”

  
  

Over time, this can lead to:

• Anxiety

• Low self-esteem

• Emotional burnout

• People-pleasing

• Perfectionism

• Social withdrawal

• Feeling like they’re “too much” or “not enough”

By adulthood, many women have lived years—sometimes decades—feeling different but not knowing why. So they seek support for anxiety or depression, while the underlying ADHD remains unnoticed.

The “100 Tabs Open” Mind

One of the most common things women tell me is that their mind never switches off. They describe:

• Constant thoughts

• Jumping between ideas

• Feeling scattered

• Internal restlessness

• Not being able to relax

This is a classic experience for women with inattentive or internalised ADHD.

Many don’t realise this isn’t how everyone else’s brain works.

Why So Many Women Are Realising the Truth Now

We’re in a moment of increased awareness. Women are starting to recognise themselves in ADHD content online or when taking their own children for assessments.

Suddenly, things start clicking:

“I’ve felt like this my whole life.”“This explains everything.”“No one ever noticed because I wasn’t disruptive.”

And so they come to therapy seeking answers—not only for their symptoms, but for their story.

Why They Show Up in the Counselling Room

Therapy is often the first safe space where women finally speak openly about:

• Feeling different their whole lives

• Struggling silently

• Masking to appear “normal”

• The exhaustion of trying so hard

• Their suspicion they might have ADHD

This is where patterns start to emerge, where dots get joined, and where women begin to understand themselves with compassion instead of shame.

It’s Not a Coincidence — It’s a Systemic Issue

The rise in late ADHD recognition among women isn’t a trend. It’s a correction.

For decades, girls were overlooked because their struggles were quieter and internal. Now as adults, they’re finally being heard—often for the first time.

If you want a safe place to be heard and talk about what's going on for you, then contact me (Natalie), through my website or email.