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Baby Loss: The ‘What If’s’

What if I had got to hospital earlier?

What if I’d stayed at hospital and not gone home like they told me too?

What if I hadn’t gone out and left him with a babysitter?

What if I did the car seat straps up too tight?

What if I’d bottle fed him?

What if I’d breast fed her?

What if his blankets were too tight?

What if she was too hot?

What if he was too cold?

What if he was hungry?

What if she slept next to me?

What if the medication I took hurt my baby?

What if I’d insisted on having a c-section?

What if I’d woken up in time?

What if …?

What if…?

What if…?

The list is endless. When we have no real reason, we start to search. Then we blame ourselves or others. We torment ourselves when we don’t have answers. But then we may think: What if I had woken up in time? What if he stopped breathing in my arms? What if I couldn’t have saved him?

Then: What if he stopped breathing and I did save him? But what if he’d had an illness, a life limiting illness? What if he had lived, lived a life stuck in a hospital bed, on a children’s ward, not being able to move, not being able to walk, talk, or even breathe for himself?

But what if he'd been fine? What would he be doing now?

What if my son came along to change me?

If you have a what if, you've probably go a few, and you need to talk to someone that knows; phone me for a no-obligation 10 minute chat.

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